Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
