Im at strip club and am horny
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
