Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
