So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize