shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
