Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
