I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
