So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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