You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
