i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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