No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
