There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize