she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
