As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
