I hate your face
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
