Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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