You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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