just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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