can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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