Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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