I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
