yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
