Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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