I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
