Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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