The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
