You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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