I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
