My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
