Need sex. Gaining weight.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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