Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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