I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
