Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
