Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
