Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize