after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
