i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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