Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
