I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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