You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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