i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
