I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
