did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she smelled like a LAN party
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
