it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize