so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
