I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
