Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
