I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
