i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
