Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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