I cannot find my penis.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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