I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Buhtt sex?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
