i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
