So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
