Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
