I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
