Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
