you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
