I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
