so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
