hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
