so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
