My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
