I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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