does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
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