im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
