I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
